Parental Intervention In School

How much should you intervene in your kid’s schooling?

I have this dilemma with my oldest son who wants to switch out of a reading and writing workshop in middle school and take art or shop instead.

I think his writing skills are fine but he suffers from lack of motivation. I suspect he ended up in reading and writing workshop because he doesn’t like to write and writes as little as he can. I’m not convinced he needs remedial help as much as he needs someone to light a fire under him.

But word came back from his guidance counselor that she thinks he does need the class and should stay put.

Now I have to decide whether I should overrule her and I’ not sure I want to be one of those parents. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure I do know best.

I listened to two moms talking about their high school kids the other day and they were fretting over whether their kids were in advanced or introductory algebra. Both were saying things like, “I want my kid to go to college,” as if this math course would make or break their kids’ chances to get into Harvard.

They too thought they knew best for their kids when they switched them to a more advanced class and they were probably right. Still there’s something a little wrong-headed about parents deciding things like what level math their kid should be in.

Back in the dark ages when I was a kid, parents rarely intervened in what went on in the classroom and they would never think of deciding to switch their kid out of a class.

My parents went to bat with me with a couple of teachers but they would no sooner think of switching me out of a class than they would think about sending me to beauty school. They had four kids and they were too busy to be that involved.

Now I wonder whether I’m in danger of being one of those helicopter parents if I take my kid out of this class. I’m going to talk to the teacher first, of course, and then make my decision. But why do I feel that I have one foot already on the helipad?

Longing For The Days of Time Outs

What do you do when your older kids misbehave? You can’t put them in time out anymore and sending them to their room won’t do it.

It’s enough to make you wish your kids were 4 again.

We had to punish our 10-year-old this week and our solution was to take away computer access, TV and play dates for a week.

But this turned out to be harder than you might think. One day, we had to sit for a friend’s kids and the next day they sat for ours. So much for taking away play dates.

Then today I caught my son watching television after I warned him not to turn it on. So he lost his dessert.

Tonight the poor kid can’t watch TV, cant’ play on the computer and can’t have dessert. He told me that there is nothing to do and I had taken away all his fun. He also shouted that I was mean and he hates me. Welcome to my world.

As I write this, he has been whining about his dessert for about half an hour. I explained that he is being punished for deliberately disobeying me about 28 minutes ago. Now I’m done and I’m just letting him whine it out.

In fact, I am beginning to see the power of taking away dessert. We could have saved ourselves all the trouble of taking away the computer and TV and the play dates and just taken away dessert for a week. That seems to be the most effective punishment we can dish out.

Still, I’m getting tired of all this crying and whining. I would send him to bed without his supper but it’s too late for that. Putting him in the corner won't work either. Maybe I can send him to his room for a while – just until he’s 18. I’m sure he’ll stop whining by then.

Art from What do you do when your older kid misbehaves? You can’t put them in time out anymore and sending them to their room won’t do it.

It’s enough to make you wish your kids were 4 again.

We had to punish our 10-year-old this week and our solution was to take away computer access, TV and play dates for a week.

But this turned out to be harder than you might think. One day, we had to sit for a friend’s kids and the next day they sat for ours.

Then today I caught my son watching television after I warned him that he would lose his dessert if the TV went on.

So tonight the poor kid can’t watch TV, cant’ play on the computer and can’t have dessert. He told me that there is nothing to do and I had taken away all his fun. It also led him to shout that I was mean and he hates me.

Image from momlogic.com

As I write this, he has been whining about his dessert for about 20 minutes. I explained that he is being punished for deliberately disobeying me about 18 minutes ago. Now I’m done and I’m just letting him whine it out.

In fact, I am beginning to think we could have saved ourselves all the trouble of taking away the computer and TV and the play dates and just taken away dessert for a week. That seems to be the most effective punishment we can dish out.

Still, I’m getting tired of all this crying and whining. I would send him to bed without his supper but it’s too late for that. Maybe I can send him to his room for a while – just until he’s 18. I’m sure he’ll stop whining by then.