Little League

My boys just started Little League and my husband is thrilled because one is on the Mets and the other is on the Yankees.  My husband tries to go to all the practices and help out on the games, I'm just the keeper of the schedule and head cheerleader.

I hate to complain about such an all-American tradition but it's a headache. It's hard coordinating schedules for two teams and R.'s coach had them praciticing three times this week.  I spent about an hour and a half writing down both their schedules on two different calendars. Still, I ran off to drive W. to ballet yesterday and S. ran off to drive R. to practice and it wasn't in the usual place.  Then I had to drive all the way home to find out where it was.  I decided I really shouldn't be the keeper of the calendar so I wrote down all the games and where they are held and made four copies for everyone. Phew.  But you know they're still going to ask me.  I would like this to be the one thing S. is in charge of.

I find baseball hard because I find it hard to watch my kids get up and bat and not connect.  They do connect sometimes but not that often and it's hard to watch. But so far we've had very nice coaches.  I'm hoping R.'s coach won't be the type to keep him on the bench all season.

Still, baseball is an enforced time out from life and when it gets warmer and we stop having this rainy, cold weather, it will be nice to sit outside and watch a leisurely but really very complicated game. So I'm OK with that. I usually bring work to do or my newspaper and then don't read or get work done because it seems wrong to do it and it takes away from the leisurely aspect of the game.

R. tried his uniform on yesterday and he looked quite the handsome professional.  S. and W. took pictures and we were all very excited.  The first game is tomorrow and we'll see how it goes.

In a way it's nice for the two boys to be on different teams because W. is a slightly better player than R. and it's nice for him to have his own team but I have a feeling I'm going to be longing for the good old days when I didn't have to worry about getting two different kids to two different fields, plus ballet and piano and all our other stuff.  I just have to get into the zen of baseball taking over our lives.  Once I realize that that's the case, I can relax and sit out in the open air and watch those baseballs sailing through the air.

Protecting Your Child from Predators on MySpace and Facebook

A  teacher in Robbinsville, N.J., was arrested last week for allegedly transmitting sexually explicit pictures of himself to a 14-year-old student, according to a Times of Trenton article. 

Police said the teacher, Daniel P. Corvino, 31, sent pictures of himself masturbating, using a web cam to broadcast pictures of himself over the past year. He was charged with aggravated criminal sexual contact and endangering the welfare of a child.

Fortunately, kids told a teacher about it after a lesson on the dangers of the Web sites Facebook and MySpace. Corvino apparently maintained web pages on both sites although it's not clear if he used those sites or simply sent the photos via the Internet. See article at http://www.nj.com/timesoftrenton/stroies/index.ssf?/base/news-4/1203138348233080.xml&coll=5.

I'm from the generation that doesn't quite understand MySpace and Facebook but I guess it's another one of those things I need to learn about. Both are social networking sites that young people use to keep in touch with friends and meet new friends.

MySpace and the atttorneys general from 49 states last month announced an effort to make MySpace more safe for teen-agers by setting the profiles of 16 and 17-year-olds to private so that only established online friends can visit their pages. See the New York Times Blog Bits for more details http://bits.blogs.nutimes.com/2008/01/14/myspace-to-let-parents-block-their-kids-from-joining/.

From what I understand Facebook, which was intended primarily for college students, already has more protections in place since it allows postings from a university.  But at large universities, that could be thousands of people so it still doesn't completely protect young people.

The scary thing about these websites is that they can be used by sexual predators. So the important thing is for kids to not reveal too much information about themselves and to keep the information they do post on MySpace private. There are options for both public and private pages on MySpace. The private option means that only invited friends can view your pages. Young people should also know that they can not accept requests from strangers to add them as a friend. There is a feature on MySpace that blocks add requests from strangers by only allowing add requests from people who know your last name. 

Generally, young people should know not to post any information about their address, their telephone number or other information that could allow a stranger to track them down.

Parents can also create their own MySpace page so they can keep track of what their child is doing. Many of these tips are available at Suite 101.com: htttp://social-networking-tagging.suite101.com/article.cfm/myspace_safety_tips_for_parents 

Family meals

It turns out that family meals are the cure for almost everything that ails American families.  Kids who eat meals with their families eat better and have better eating habits. They are less likely to be drug and alcohol dependent, smoke. They're less likely to be depressed and suicidal. (Some of this is documented in an article in ChildTrends Data Bank, http://www.childtrensdatabank.org/indicators/96FamilyMeals.cfm)..

 A new study by the University of Minesotta shows that teenage girls are less likely to have eating disorders like bulimia and anorexia. http://www.ahc.umn.edu/news/releases/meals110904.

This is great news for those of us who are toiling away at the stove each night cooking meals for our families and insisting that everyone sit down to dinner and talk to each other. I'm sure this gets more difficult as kids get older and have more activities. But the benefits far outweigh the costs. See my column at nj.com/times/features on Feb. 19.

Rude child in school

I received an email from my younger son W's teacher this week. It seems he's been very rude to her over the past week or two. He had to stay in during recess recently and then last week he suggested that a student "peg" a foam dice at the teacher.

I was very apologetic to the teacher and we had a talk with W.   We realized that his desire to be the class clown and amuse everyone was probably leading to him being rude.  We told him to stop trying to be funny and be more respectful. We took away his video games for a week and we made him write a letter. Having to write the letter was what made him cry, especially when we made him write a few drafts. "Dear Miss W., I'm sorry I said to peg the dice at you. I was trying to be funny. Now I realize it's not funny. I like your class. Love, W."  It was actually a pretty nice letter. 

We told W. that he's a nice boy but that when he behaves like that no one will be able to tell that he's a nice boy. We also told him that being disrespectful to teachers is not a smart thing to do since they are the ones who give you grades.  If you talked like that at work, what do you think would happen? we asked.  "You'd get fired," he said. I guess he knows about this.

I wonder if our bickering leads to this bad behavior. I don't want to think that that's it and I don't think it's the primary factor although we do seem to have a hostile sense of humor in our household. Sigh.  It's always something with these kids. 

Dilemna of the anti-gun mom

When my kids were little I could protect them from violence on TV and video games and I could prevent them from ever having guns or violent toys of any kind.
But since then, I've been falling down a slipper slope. I let them go to lazer tag games even though it clearly involves kids firing at each other. Why? Because it's fun and I don't want to be so politically correct that I won't let them have fun.
I've also allowed swords but not guns in the house although some water guns have made their way in - only to be put on a shelf or discreetly hidden by me.
Then we got a new X-Box for Christmas and my brother gave us several games - most of which had a teen rating. Before I knew what had happened, the boys were playing a video game in which they shoot down airplanes. Honestly, it seems pretty harmless even though it's rated Teen but there were others that I put up on the shelf while 8-year-old W. wailed about how it's not fair and his cousins play the games and they're only 4 and 7. "Every family has different rules," I told him.
I've told my kids how I feel about it. They know that "Mommy hates guns." But I feel like I've already been too lax about what I've allowed. This has led to some funny conversations. Their argument about laser tag: "It's like a gasoline nozzle, not a gun." Their argument about the video games, "There's nothing wrong with shooting. It's fun!" These arguments make me want to throw out all the guns.
And then there's TV where I don't allow them to watch adult TV or even much TV at all but where they usually plunk themselves in front of 'The Today Show" in the morning and learn all about Britney Spears' drug problems and the murder of the day.
Several studies, including a recent study at the University of Michigan, have found a link between children watching violent TV or playing violent video games and aggressive behavior both as children and later in life. (For an article on the study see ScienceDaily http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/11/071127142134.htm).

piano lesson nightmares

Both my boys are taking piano lessons and our piano teacher is a friend who is a wonderful musician but an impatient teacher. I've always thought this was OK because R. and W. need someone to light a fire under them. But our piano lessons are torture so sometimes I wonder whether they should be taking lessons or at least taking lessons with this teacher.
R. has to be poked and prodded to practice and I have to sit with him and I have to remind him to count. So he's not really taking responsibility for practicing himself. When I try to talk to him about it he says he doesn't want to stop lessons. If I force the issue, he says that he wants to play but he doesn't want to practice. This is what everybody says about piano. But I sympathize.
W. has no trouble practicing. He's such a go-go kid, he's always looking for something to do anyway. So W. is moving ahead and, in fact, is now in R's piano book even though he started several months after R.
T., their piano teacher, says that R. starts playing and then when he tries to correct him, he falls apart and loses energy and just seems to space out. Is this a reaction to T. yelling at him? I don't know. I know part of it is a function of R.'s ADHD. He just has tremendous difficulty concentrating and we're going to see his pediatrician tomorrow to see if we should increase his medicine. Meanwhile, I guess we'll keep soldiering on and see if things improve. I sometimes wonder if it's worth it or if we should be switching teachers despite my friendship with T. Sigh.