Volunteer Work and Mommy Meltdown

I was a bad mother this morning. The kind of bad mother who yells and screams at her kids and makes them cry. The kind of bad mother who could put her kids into therapy for a very long time.

I blame myself for not being more organized. I blame my kids for having the same disease I have so my older son announced that he needed clothes for track two minutes before we left, then told a friend to pick him up so that the mom arrived in our doorway when we were in total disarray.

"I'm taking you! I told you I was taking you!" I screamed at him. "We're late!" 

Truly not my finest moment and one that I blame most of all on volunteer work. Today it was the Chinese feast in my older son's Social Studies class. Earlier this week, another mom had called me up and told me that my son's Social Studies teacher said I was really helpful and would help organize the darn thing.

So I spent the week sending out numerous emails to solicit drinks and oranges and get parents to work at this darn thing. Then I had to get there early and spend my morning there. My husband also joined the group this morning.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm a big believer in volunteer work. I love my kids' schools, love seeing the kids and meeting the teacher. In fact, studies show that kids do better when you're involved in their school. Blah, blah, blah.

But it drives me crazy when I have to do volunteer work on a day when I normally write, when I have papers to grade and a house that could use a backhoe to just come in and clear out the craap. Instead, I have to go and serve egg rolls to sixth graders and I get all anxious in the morning about this and all my other commitments (and the fact that I am a terrible, terrible housekeeper). 

Here I am 50 years old and I still haven't learned to say no. I should have said, "I am not helpful. I am too busy."  This is the hazards of working very part-time at this point. You feel you must say "yes" when really you want to say no.  But I can't even organize my own life, never mind the Chinese feast. Sigh. And I didn't even get an egg roll out of it. 

Cheating Web Site for Kids

I got a call from my older son's French teacher today. It seems a boy passed R. a note and it turned out to be a printout from a website all about cheating. R.'s not in trouble but she wanted to let me know and she also informed the vice-principal and the guidance counselor.
The site is http://www.rajuabju.com/literature/how_to_cheat.htm
and it reads exactly like what you might expect from a smart-ass high school student. (Hey, maybe the guy is 30. He claims to have graduated from college). The writer takes apart an article at PBS.org pbskids.org/itsmylife/school/cheating/
meant to persuade students not to cheat. The site has a lot of good material about cheating and seems pretty straightforward and worth checking out for kids. It explains why all the excuses about cheating are lame. To the excuse that, "All my classes are hard," for example, the PBS site explains that it's a lame excuse because "School isn't supposed to be easy."
The self-proclaimed cheating expert offers this reply to the argument that every school has a cheating policy and you could get a terrible grade or get expelled from school, the writer replies, "Only if you get caught! Don't get caught and you won't get in trouble." His advice is full of expletives and I guess I can see why it made my kid giggle. (But not in French kid, come on!)
Most of it is your basic techniques which surprisingly are no more high tech than they were when I was in high school back in the dark ages, except he advises that students use computer print-outs for cheat sheets with a 6 point font.
Sigh. I know this isn't the worst thing a kid ever did but it does make you see what's out there on the web and it does wave a red flag that we're never really sure what they're up to. Darn that computer! I'm taking this as a warning not to be so clueless myself.
So now we have to have a hear to heart with son number 1 about cheating and with son number two (whose teacher also called today. When it rains it pours) about his rowdy behavior in class. I feel like we should get detention for being bad parents but this too will pass.

Frugal Parenting: Tips to Save Money

Working mothers know how to cut their own expenses. Maybe they don’t buy that pair of shoes or they bring a lunch to work. But it’s harder to cut back when it comes to your kids. You need to feed and clothe them, even if they are eating you out of house and home and growing up a size every month. But there are practical Clothes: Shop for clothes at consignment shops, used clothing shops and flea markets. Shop for new clothes out of season. Don’t be afraid to take hand me downs from relatives and close friends.
Babysitting: Join a babysitting coop or swap with friends
Books: Go to the library for books and videos. Libraries also have plenty of free events.
Eating out: Eat at home and have “fast food” like macaroni and cheese handy that you can whip up in a few minutes.
Videos: Record movies on the TV or find cheap video sources like the library or the Red Boxes.
Presents: Buy toys or games on sale and keep them for when you need them. Have kids make presents and cards for relatives and friends. Recycle wrapping paper and gift bags.
Food: Buy food on sale and make large quantities for leftovers. Buy food in bulk.
Entertaining: Have potluck dinners or ask people to bring salads or desserts.
Free Stuff: Look for groups like Freecycle that offer stuff for free and keep an eye out for bargains. Your municipality might offer free mulch for the garden. In the market for a piano? Often people give them away for free.
Date Night: Eat at home, then go out for movies and a drink. You can sneak in your own soda but probably not popcorn. Look for discount programs for theaters and concerts or check newspapers for free events.

Classes Watching Obama or not

My older son's middle school is having an inauguration ball for Barack Obama's inauguration. Students are asked to dress up and given a formal invitation.
This is great! This is a historic moment and they should be paying attention to this huge moment in our nation's history. Schools around the country are marking the event as well they should. http://www.edweek.org/ew/articles/2009/01/16/18inaugevents.h28.html
Then there's my 9-year-old's elementary school where the principal says she will not have any schoolwide events because while some parents have asked for a schoolwide event, others have complained that the same fuss wouldn't be paid over a McCain inauguration.
I'm kicking myself for not speaking up about this at the time but I don't want to be labeled as one of those moms. Or maybe I do. I'm reconsidering that. Meanwhile, one of the moms at the parent teacher organization where we discussed that muttered that they wouldn't make a fuss about McCaine's inauguration.
Duh! McCain's organization wouldn't have been historic, except as a victory for senior citizens. Seriously! Wake up and smell the coffee people! This is no longer about politics. This is about marking a huge moment in our history and now I'm incensed that there's a possibility my kid might not get to see it.
OK, the principal did mention that parent could write a note requesting their parent see the inauguration and said she is leaving it up to teachers to decide what to do. I can appreciate her not wanting chaos if she brought all the kids to the cafeteria. But seriously, people, this is huge. As someone old enough to remember Martin Luther King and as someone old enough to doubt I would ever see this day, I repeat, this is huge.
Now I'm going to have to be one of those moms and email the principal. But this is an occasion that I guarantee our kids will be telling their grandchildren about. It's not just that I don't want my son to miss it. I don't want anyone to miss it.

kids and comedy

You don't usually think of kids either doing stand-up comedy or going to shows at comedy clubs. You think it's all about having a few drinks, listening to a usually raunchy comedian and hoping you don't get picked on by some guy whose stand-up routine is both mean and funny.
But now there's a new twist to the comedy club with Comedy N'Kids where kids go to the Gotham Comedy Club in New York and hear stand-up comedian kids do their routines about trying to talk to girls, their maniacal Spanish teacher and their embarrassing mom.
I didn't get to go to the show but my mom took my two boys who seemed to love the experience. Had they known in advance, they could have come with their own jokes and hopped on stage to try them out. I'm pretty sure my younger son would have done this and my older son, who is more shy, would rather stick a needle in his eye.
Kids N' Comedy http://www.kidsncomedy.com/pages/classes.html at 208 West 23rd St. offers weekly workshops for kids and that's where the kids perfect their material and they even have their own comedy camp. Call 212-877-6115 for more information.
I like the idea of giving the class clown (which has sometimes been my younger kid) a place where he gets applause instead of being sent down to the principal. The routines are apparently very kid friendly with no sexual references or cursing allowed although plenty of smart ass humor encouraged.
The show costs $15 plus you have to buy drinks. A round of cokes for everyone! It's a clever way for the comedy club to make money and build interest. My mom made the rookie mistake of ordering lunch there and the bill was pretty hefty.
My mom also said that kids have to get used to the idea of responding to standup comics by making eye contact and at least smiling at their jokes. This is pretty difficult when you're trying to dig into your chicken fingers and another good reason to skip the lunch.
The shows are once a month and got two thumbs up from my young audience members.

Healthier Cafeterias

About 19 percent of children in the U.S. are obese and the fare usually served in cafeterias: macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches and pizza isn't helping. One school in West New York, N.J. has a pilot program to help the 600 kids at the school eat healthier.
Each week, Chef Fred Rothschild, comes into classrooms to teach students about new foods and have them taste them and even prepare them. The students have learned about baked ziti, sweet potatoes and healthy ways to make pizza.
Sal Valenza, food director of Nu-Way Concessionaires in Kearney, N.J., says that changing student's eating habits is "not about cookies, it's about community." The mostly Hispanic population at the school has a higher obesity rate than in wealthier communities, there are fewer grocery stores with fresh foods and there tends to be less fresh food in their diets.
But teaching students about fresh food has worked in Public School 4 where students are eating twice as many fresh fruits and vegetables. See http://www.campbellfoodservice.com/LatestTrendsDetail.aspx?Page=2555&section=23 and http://www.healthiergeneration.org/search.aspx?search=West%20New%20York,%20N.J. for more information.

The school was named the healthiest school in New Jersey last year by livinghealth.com. http://living.health.com/2008/08/20/americas-healthiest-schools-state-by-state/


Other schools, like the Lawrenceville School in Lawrenceville, N.J., are focusing on bringing New Jersey farm food to cafeterias. By recycling all food waste from the cafeteria and getting rid of trays to make sure students only take as much food as they can eat, Gary Giberson, the food services director and president of Sustainable Fare, is able to serve fresh, locally grown food without huge budget increases. While Lawrenceville is a private school, Giberson hopes it can serve as a model for public schools. http://www.whitedogcafefoundation.org/FTI/cost_cutting.php

Both were guests at a panel discussion at the Princeton Environmental Film Festival at the Princeton Public Library which sadly is closing on Sunday. http://www.princeton.lib.nj.us/peff/

Home Sweet Cave

We have spent the last few days in a cavelike existence. After Christmas and all the stress Christmas entailed, we felt the need to stay home, play with all the toys, watch movies and eat popcorn. I have actually gotten to spend some time reading a book and the newspaper every day. I have also slept very late in my cave. I think I was recuperating from all the husting and bustling and it is amazing not having an agenda. (OK, I should be doing bills and looking for a job).
Finally I emerged yesterday and bought some groceries and today we went for a bike ride and I went out and did some work in the garden. (There are some benefit to global warming after all). Now I am ready to emerge from the cave and do something fun but everyone seems to have disappeared. By everyone, I mean the one or two friends who we see all the time. Tomorrow, we are leaving the cave for New York. That's fine. The cave is lovely but it also feels good to stop hibernating.