My older son wrote a school paper that was all about how stupid he thinks his brother is. I discovered it as I looked for a ruler with his brother and I quickly moved it so he wouldn't see it. I was absolutely devastated that he would write such things. My older son at first said I shouldn't have been looking at it. But then I pointed out that he left it out on the desk and his brother could have seen it. I said those were very hurtful words and his younger brother would be very hurt if he saw them. He said his brother wasn't meant to see them and that it was a school assignment based on a book about a pesky younger brother and all the kids were writing about the same thing. "Since when do you care what other kids are doing?" i asked. "I do care," he said.
I came into his room before he went to sleep to talk to him some more. "Were you jealous of Will last weekend?" He nodded. "Were you feeling a little bit mad?" He nodded again. "I understand that," I said. "But you have to remember the power of words. When you write it down, it's very powerful." But then I started to think that maybe writing it down makes him feel better. I don't know. The whole incident left me feeling very sad and we had just been putting up our Christmas tree.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
Ballet boy
My younger son, Will, is a ballet dancer. He begged us to take ballet at age 6. We had taken him to see "the Nutcracker" each year and when he was maybe 4, he had two little girlfriends who would dance around reenacting the Nutcracker. "You can't play with us because you're a boy," they informed him. "But the Nutcracker is a boy!" I told them. "Didn't you see the Nutcracker? There are plenty of boy dancers." So they allowed Will to dance and he's been dancing ever since.
Anyway at age 6, he insisted on taking ballet and last year he was in his dance school's production as a party boy and an angel. He reprised those roles again this year and I could really see an improvement through five - count them five- performances. Snore. Don't get me wrong, I love the "Nutcracker" and in truth, I only saw five, but I got very tired of it by the end and it was exhausting. I'm not sure why it was exhausting, I think it was the anxiety of seeing your child performing and wondering whether he was under too much pressure. He was very serious and quiet on Saturday and not himself and my husband I obsessed over whether he was OK and wether we should have allowed him to perform. But by Sunday morning he was back to his old self again
On Sunday, I made sure to be a good stage mom and be backstage helping him with his make-up and tying his tie and taking pictures. I think he is kind of at a loss back there by himself. But honestly, I think he's probably fine and he's certainly able to be independent. He did it all himself Friday night because we had to be at our older son's Shakespeare production. Of course they were the same night.
But I digress. I wanted to write about my husband, the ballet dad. Now my husband is many things to the children. He has worked with them on their baseball and on Will's basketball. He draws with them. He roughhouses with them and I'm in charge of piano and music and maybe also homework and reading. At least a lot of the time. But neither my husband nor I know anything about ballet. But my husband loves the Nutcracker. He always went as a kid and it has some magic power for him. Plus he loves seeing Will perform. As a result, he takes him to all the rehearsals when he can, hangs out backstage and has gotten to know all the other ballet parents, most of whom are moms (although I saw one dad doing a wonderful job on his daughter's bun backstage). This is an amazing metamorphosis for my husband. I think he understands how seriously our son takes it and he also gets how hard it is, having watched everyone rehearsing. I think it's made a big difference for Will having his Dad there and may help him stay with it if other kids tease him, as I suspect they will. But I also find it touching that he is there cheering him on as he is at his baseball games and his basketball games and his soccer games. As he explains it, he know snothing about ballet, so all he can do is cheer him on. I find this liberating. The most i can offer by way of help is "Smile more." The director of the ballet school once told me she can't wait until Will is older so she can give him some (insert some French phrases for complicated ballet moves). I would like to repeat this story to Will if he keeps with his ballet or becomes the next Baryshnikov but all I would be able to tell him is the famous ballerina told him she would gie him some rondoles and fa fa fas." Oh well. I can still tell him when he hits a wrong note on the piano.
Will brought his Nutcracker and a new ornament we brought him and a photo and program to school. We hold our breath each time he does this but we want him to be proud of himself. And it was fine as it always has been. But one day it won't be and I'm not sure what we'll do about that. Another mom with a boy who dances told me "the best defense is a good offense" and she sends her son to school with pictures and has him invite everyone to come see him dance. It's not a bad strategy. But I know there will be remarks and teasing in years to come if Will sticks with it and I wonder if that will put an end to his dancing. He loves to dance and I hope he can get through whatever is ahead so that he can keep dancing.
Anyway at age 6, he insisted on taking ballet and last year he was in his dance school's production as a party boy and an angel. He reprised those roles again this year and I could really see an improvement through five - count them five- performances. Snore. Don't get me wrong, I love the "Nutcracker" and in truth, I only saw five, but I got very tired of it by the end and it was exhausting. I'm not sure why it was exhausting, I think it was the anxiety of seeing your child performing and wondering whether he was under too much pressure. He was very serious and quiet on Saturday and not himself and my husband I obsessed over whether he was OK and wether we should have allowed him to perform. But by Sunday morning he was back to his old self again
On Sunday, I made sure to be a good stage mom and be backstage helping him with his make-up and tying his tie and taking pictures. I think he is kind of at a loss back there by himself. But honestly, I think he's probably fine and he's certainly able to be independent. He did it all himself Friday night because we had to be at our older son's Shakespeare production. Of course they were the same night.
But I digress. I wanted to write about my husband, the ballet dad. Now my husband is many things to the children. He has worked with them on their baseball and on Will's basketball. He draws with them. He roughhouses with them and I'm in charge of piano and music and maybe also homework and reading. At least a lot of the time. But neither my husband nor I know anything about ballet. But my husband loves the Nutcracker. He always went as a kid and it has some magic power for him. Plus he loves seeing Will perform. As a result, he takes him to all the rehearsals when he can, hangs out backstage and has gotten to know all the other ballet parents, most of whom are moms (although I saw one dad doing a wonderful job on his daughter's bun backstage). This is an amazing metamorphosis for my husband. I think he understands how seriously our son takes it and he also gets how hard it is, having watched everyone rehearsing. I think it's made a big difference for Will having his Dad there and may help him stay with it if other kids tease him, as I suspect they will. But I also find it touching that he is there cheering him on as he is at his baseball games and his basketball games and his soccer games. As he explains it, he know snothing about ballet, so all he can do is cheer him on. I find this liberating. The most i can offer by way of help is "Smile more." The director of the ballet school once told me she can't wait until Will is older so she can give him some (insert some French phrases for complicated ballet moves). I would like to repeat this story to Will if he keeps with his ballet or becomes the next Baryshnikov but all I would be able to tell him is the famous ballerina told him she would gie him some rondoles and fa fa fas." Oh well. I can still tell him when he hits a wrong note on the piano.
Will brought his Nutcracker and a new ornament we brought him and a photo and program to school. We hold our breath each time he does this but we want him to be proud of himself. And it was fine as it always has been. But one day it won't be and I'm not sure what we'll do about that. Another mom with a boy who dances told me "the best defense is a good offense" and she sends her son to school with pictures and has him invite everyone to come see him dance. It's not a bad strategy. But I know there will be remarks and teasing in years to come if Will sticks with it and I wonder if that will put an end to his dancing. He loves to dance and I hope he can get through whatever is ahead so that he can keep dancing.
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