Mommy Time

Darn that Protestant work ethic and my Puritan ancestors! They have doomed me to run through the day trying to check off items on the to do list that runs through my brain like an endless tape: I should be applying for jobs, I should be writing, I should put away the boys' laundry, I should neaten up my room, I should put another load of laundry in.

That's why it was so great for me to escape with a friend yesterday to get a pedicure. I'm not normally a pedicure kind of girl. In fact, I've never gotten a pedicure in my life but I got a pedicure for my birthday (seven months ago) so off I went with my friend Diane yesterday to be pampered.

We spent about an hour having our feet soaked, scraped and beautified. We chatted and we read People magazine. By the time I emerged, the to do list had been replaced in my head by useless trivia about who is dating who in Hollywood and I had beautiful hot pink toenails.

We spent a nice day leisurely having lunch and we stopped by the library and visited a friend where we sat in her kids' new tree house and pretended we were 12. I lay back and looked at the pine tree where the tree house is built against the blue sky. The to-list felt a million miles away.

Then I came home again and my boys had miraculously done their reading and worked on their workbooks. It turns out I am not as essential as I think to the running of the household! Yahoo! I managed to throw in a load of laundry and make some dinner but the to-do list still remained as background noise.

If I could relax at home I could take more advantage of our beautiful yard and our pool. We never seem to never make it out there until late in the the afternoon because I'm too busy playing catch-up with household chores. I'm also always trying to find time to write (darn that writing!) or to apply for jobs so I can only give myself about 10 minutes of reading the newspaper before I realize I should be using that time more productively.

I guess that endless tape helps me stay on track but it also keeps me from having too much fun. Now instead of showing off my beautiful toes at the beach or swimming pool, I'm typing away in the office. Maybe I'm not cut out for the so-called "staycation." I'm ready for a real vacation instead. When you're on the beach, that to do list eventually disappears. At least until you're home again.

No Kids in the Neighborhood

One thing that's different for my kids is that we don't live in a neighborhood where there are kids to play with and that makes me kind of sad for my kids.

When I was a kid, we just went outside and knocked on someone's door for a play date and then we would play all day. We'd go to someone's house and play for a few hours: I remember long games of Monopoly and some playing with Barbies (although I never loved Barbie). Then, we'd move on to someone else's house or come back to our house where we'd have elaborate pretend games or we'd jump in the sprinkler.

In my memory, adults were scarce. Mothers would pop in once in awhile to tell us to be quiet because a younger brother or sister was napping or they'd come out with some Kool-Aid or watermelon but supervision was minimal at best.

When we got older, we'd wander a couple of blocks away and wouldn't come home until we heard our mothers calling or they came looking for us. When we were about 12 or 13 or a little older, we'd ride our bikes to the local pool and stay there all day. When there was nobody to play with, I'd spend the day with my head in a book.

Unfortunately, there are very few kids in our neighborhood and the few who live within walking distance are at camp or on vacation. As a result, the only time we only get together with other families when I set up playdates.

I have a fantasy of sending my kids to visit their friends but this means they will literally have to go over a river (OK a little stream but still) or through the woods.

It also means that both of us would have to get used to that independence. I would have to let them go and they would have to accept the responsibility of finding friends on their own. They're so used to either playing by themselves or having me set up play dates, I'm not sure they're up to the task without some major push from me.

Having my kids go out and find kids to play with would solve a lot of the challenges of having the kids home in the summer: the constant turning off of the TV and confiscating the computer and the two boys squabbling. They're all a result of the two boys being a little bored and a little tired of each other.

Maybe we can never go back to the "good old days." Maybe we know too much about the dangers to kids from child molesters and other creeps to let them be quite as free as we were.

But one day this summer, I'm going to give them that little shove out the door to go find some fun on their own. I'd love to let them see what that freedom feels like, even if they knock on some doors and nobody's home.