Latch Key Kids

Today my kids were latch key kids. They let themselves in the door, did their homework and got very high marks on their first solo outing. I was the one who was a nervous wreck and flunked the test.

Both kids biked home by themselves and then my 12-year-old biked with my 10-year-old to his piano lesson about a dozen blocks away, stayed for the whole lesson and biked back with him.

Suddenly my older son was the responsible big brother and he rose to the occasion. When I called home from work to check up on them twice, they had everything under control.

When I came home, W. was happily sitting in front of the television doing his homework. “R. told me I could watch TV while I did my homework if I finished a lot in ten minutes,” he informed me. When I insisted on getting back to our usual routine and switched off the TV, W. told met hey did better without me. Sigh.

Like many of the things I worry about, it was a non-event and that’s fine. They didn’t miss me, they weren’t worried. It all went wonderfully.

But while my kids did great going solo, I didn't do so well. So tomorrow both kids are going to their friends’ house after school. They're up to the task of being latch key kids but I’m not so sure I’m ready to be a latch key mom.

When Is It OK To Leave Your Kid By Himself?

When is it OK to leave your kid by himself?

We’ve had this dilemma a lot lately. We left both boys home for back to school night at my son’s elementary school and I felt a pang when the principal said she would let all the parents get home to their babysitters.

I was OK when we left them alone for local parties in the area too. When we take W. to his dance class or I run out shopping, I’m fine at leaving my 12-year-old alone.

But tonight my older son is going to back to school night at his middle school with us, so I hired a babysitter for my 10-year-old. It just didn’t feel right leaving him all by himself, even though I’m sure he would have been fine.

At the end of the night when I’m $24 poorer, I may think better of that decision. But somehow I felt he might be lonely and scared with no one home. Then again, maybe I’m just treating him like my baby. Poor kid.

I once looked into New Jersey’s law about when you can leave your child by himself and it turns out there’s no age limit. You can be charged with neglect if you leave your kids alone and they’re too young but the law’s no help on what constitutes too young.

This week, we’re going to have a similar dilemma after school and I'm just going to have to grit my teeth and let them be latch key kids for one day. But I know I'm going to worry about them.

This is one of those questions that have no answer. You can’t look it up. You can’t research it. You just have to go with your gut. My problem is even my gut doesn’t know what to do.

Art from When is it OK to leave your kid by himself?

We’ve had this dilemma a lot lately. We left both boys home for back to school night at my son’s elementary school and I felt a pang when the principal said she would let all the parents get home to their babysitters.

I was OK when we left them alone for local parties in the area too. When we take W. to his dance class or I run out shopping, I’m fine at leaving my 12-year-old alone.

But tonight my older son is going to back to school night at his middle school with us, so I hired a babysitter for my 10-year-old. It just didn’t feel right leaving him all by himself, even though I’m sure he would have been fine.

At the end of the night when I’m $24 poorer, I may think better of that decision. But somehow I felt he might be lonely and scared with no one home. Then again, maybe I’m just treating him like my baby. Poor kid.

I once looked into New Jersey’s law about when you can leave your child by himself and it turns out there’s no age limit. You can be charged with neglect if you leave your kids alone and they’re too young but the law’s no help on what constitutes too young.

This week, we’re going to have a similar dilemma after school. There again, I’m sure the kids would be fine if they came home and did their homework until I got home an hour or so later. I’m the one who feels funny about it.

So I’ll probably try to get them both a play date so I’ll be sure that they’ll be perfectly happy that I’m gone. I know this is purely mother guilt but I can’t help myself.

This is one of those questions that have no answer. You can’t look it up. You can’t research it. You just have to go with your gut. My problem is even my gut doesn’t know what to do.

Illustration from clipartguide.com

The Exercise Catch-22

I’ve finally realized that I have to exercise in order to keep my sanity. At the same time, I’m finding that it’s virtually impossible to find time to exercise.

I’m sure I could find a dozen articles telling me all about the benefits of exercise and they'll all say I should exercise 30 minutes a day. But none of them explain how to find time to work out. It is one of those infuriating Catch-22s.

My solution has been to wake up at 6 a.m. and walk with a friend a few days of week. This starts my day out right but it also leaves me sleep-deprived and groggy. I’m not a morning person and I’m not discipline to give up a good book or the latest episode of “Entourage” for a good night’s sleep.

Every once in a while, I manage to fit in some exercise while doing my mom duties. The other day, for example, I biked with my son to his piano lesson. I came home feeling breathless but virtuous.

The days are gone when I could find time to go the gym although I may have to resort to early morning classes if I can’t find any other solution. I’m just afraid I’ll hit the snooze button every time I think about that step class.

So I’ll keep trying to fit in exercise where I can in my quest for serenity. If I have to do yoga under my desk, so be it.

Role Reversal

My husband is driving the minivan to pick up the kids every day and I’m taking the sedan to work.

This makes sense because my husband is home and I have a new five-day-a-week copyediting job in addition to my teaching gig and it all adds up to a full-time job. So he’s picking up the kids from school and ferrying them to ballet and tennis and piano lessons.

In other words, he’s me.

It’s only been one week but already I can see ways where this role reversal is wonderful. My husband folded the laundry in front of football the other day. I came home one day last week and the kitchen was sparkling and today he bought a few things at the grocery store.

Then there’s the darker side of this equation. I’m trying to overlook the fact that there were dishes in the sink when I came home today and the laundry is still sitting on the couch.

My first week at the new job was a comedy of errors. I mixed up appointments and piano lessons. My husband drove hither and yon only to find that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It would be humorous if it weren't so unfuriating.

Finally, I gave my husband a mom’s calendar with a spot for Mom’s activities and the kid’s calendar. I crossed out “Mom” and wrote in “Dad.” The calendar has all of our kids’ numerous lessons and appointments. I know he finds this obnoxious but I haven’t seen any Dad calendars out there.

The other day my husband reminded me that the school picnic was Tuesday. “Come on sweetie,” he said. “This role reversal is going too far.” So I guess he’s feeling it too.

I wish I could say I miss picking the kids up from school but I’m OK with that. So far, I haven’t had any heart wrenching “Why can’t you come on the class trip?” moments. I’m even on the PTO although I had to leave the meeting early to go to work.

The role reversal thing doesn’t go too far. My husband is more interested in painting the house than in preparing dinner and I like to cook, so that’s OK with me. He doesn’t make the bed and he doesn’t have much interest in cleaning up on a daily basis.

The truth is we’re a work in progress. We haven’t figured out exactly how to do this. I’m sure there will be days where I’m resentful and vice versa. If he finds a job in this crazy economy and I really hope he does, then we’ll open up a whole new chapter of babysitters and after-school programs and then the juggling will really begin.

For now, I’m content to let my husband take over the minivan and I don’t mind slipping into the sedan and playing the role of bread earner for a while. It’s a different feeling being in this particular driver’s seat but it works for now.