Mom is the hammer

A friend tells me  her 3-year-old always wants Dad to put her to bed.  Mom tucks her in with a kiss but Dad gets her water, sits by her bed and cuddles. Dad's more fun at bedtime. Since this is my friend's third child, she's determined not to go through the same prolonged nightmare putting her third child to be so she makes it short and sweet.  In her house, she's the enforcer, or as she puts it, "I'm the hammer."

In my house, my husband is sometimes the enforcer. He wakes the kids up in the morning. They tend to move a little more quickly when he barks at them to get moving. But when it comes to most of our daily tasks: homework, piano practice, cleaning their room, I'm also the hammer.  And let's be honest, it's no fun being the hammer or maybe the reverse is true, the hammer isn't fun.

This was brought home to me when I stayed home from my weekly choir practice last night because my husband had to work late.  There was some whining and some complaining.  "What does Daddy do that makes you want him home so much?" I asked. "When we finish our homework, we watch a little football and then we play football and he runs after us all over the house." Oh.  I didn't need to tell them that  Mommy doesn't do that. I spent the night continuing to be the hammer: they had to do homework and practice the piano and read and at the end of that, we watched just a little bit of TV and I read to them.  We had a good time together.  Still it's not easy being the hammer or as my friend says, "The hammer isn't working.  The hammer is tired of being the hammer." 

I'm not sure what the solution is.  Take turns being the hammer? Start playing indoor football with the kids?  Find other tools in the toolbox? It may be that we could all use a little time out from the hammer. There's just too much pounding and it wears you out.