I have always veered between being a helicopter parent who hovers over her kids forcing them to do homework, practice the piano and eat their vegetables to the nonchalant parent who lets them have a messy room and eat candy and watch "The Simpsons."
Now it turns out that the relaxed parent, the "free range" parent that Lenore Skenazy has popularized, is back in style, according toa recent column by Lisa Belkin in the New York Times. Apparently, the backlash against being the perfect, over-involved parent who micromanages her children's every move is to become a parent relaxed enough to let her 9-year-old ride the New York subway.
So here's my chance to be a hip mama. I just have to develop that side of me that thinks kids should be outside having adventures and jettison that side of me that thinks kids should be inside doing homework.
I may have to postpone my conversion into a completely "free range" mom until school ends though. I have to crack the whip to make my older son study for a math final on Friday. I mean I have to gently (and sweetly) encourage my son to study for math. I have to bake cupcakes for my younger son's birthday (two weeks early) in school. I'm pretty sure this is more helicopter than free range. Sigh.
Maybe most of us parents fall somewhere in between the two extremes anyway. We give our kids some freedom, we pull them back when we need to. I'm letting them have a messy room now but today or tomorrow I'll become a drill sergeant and make them shovel that room out. I let them play in the woods but I make them study their math facts. Is there such a thing as a free range helicopter mom? Maybe I could start my own movement.
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2 comments:
I imagine you're a very kind helicopter...kind of like Jay Jay, that cartoon heli.
Princeton has a skyful of helimoms, though. When I lived in Japan, a mom like that was called a Mamasaurus.
But that's the paradox of momness...there's always somebody authoritative to let us know we're doing it the wrong way.
I envy cavewomen moms. Successful parenting was having your kid live until at least 13. And elders, who otherwise might have been critical, didn't make it much past 35 either.
Hi Ruth. Just saw your comment now about helicopter moms. I love the idea of the mamasaurus. I'll have to remember that one. It sounds like some sort of dinosaur and sometimes I feel like one! Take care. - jeanne
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