Lazy summers

When I was a child, summer was endless. We had a neighborhood of kids who played in each other's yards and came home at dinnertime, only to go out again when dinner was over until it was too dark to play.

We played in the sprinkler. We splashed in the kiddie pool. We rode bikes; we played dress-up, school and house. We played long games of Monopoly and elaborate games of hide and seek. It was a long time ago, long enough to make me feel like a dinosaur.

Most moms were home with the kids in those days and no one worried about children running around without much supervision.

That kind of summer seems nearly impossible today. Most moms are out working. Many of our friends' children will be in camp for most of the summer. There is no ``Our Gang'' of neighborhood kids. And the thought of my children running down the street with the cars speeding past gives me nightmares.

But I still want those summers for my children. I believe they are the stuff that dreams and memories are made of. I can still remember not knowing what day it was during the summer. I want my kids to have that.

But it's beginning to dawn on me that it takes a lot of work to create an idyllic summer. Now that I think about it, there's an unseen hand in the background of those golden memories. Who turned on the sprinkler and set up the kiddie pool? Who rounded up the clothes for dress-up and found the Monopoly game?

We were carefree. Mom was busy.

I have no doubt that working mothers are gritting their teeth by now. Camp is no longer a luxury but a necessity. But I still think you can enjoy carefree time at the end of the day and on weekends.

When children have the leisure to be able to play by themselves and to explore the outdoors, it enriches them in ways that no extra art or music classes or baseball camp could do, says William Crain, a professor of psychology at City College of New York and author of ``Reclaiming Childhood: Letting Children Be Children in Our Achievement-Oriented Society,'' (Times Books, 2003).

``They discover things and they create things, they'll make up games, they'll fantasize, they'll do a lot of things that kids do,'' says Crain. ``Not everything has to be a rush to get into Harvard. Summer is a slower time: It's good to have a sense of the slow rhythm of life.''

Children need to play outside more. They may gravitate to the television or to video games during the lazy days of summer, Crain says. It's up to parents to get them outdoors: to garden with them, to go on walks or bike rides, to explore nearby streams or ponds. Children who can explore nature discover new sources of creativity.

``The trick is to be there for their safety, but give them a chance to be there on their own,'' says Crain.

So we'll have to incorporate some trips to a nearby brook and some hikes in the woods to hunt for frogs. I'm getting tired thinking about all this carefree activity.

There are perils for the parent who is planning a lazy summer. Foremost among these is putting up with children's complaints that they are bored. In fact, I remember making that lament to my own mother. She was less than sympathetic and I will adopt her attitude.

Boredom is just a stumbling block on the road to creativity. To put it another way: If they're bored enough, they'll make up new games. There are perhaps more dangers for us parents. Having the children home for most of the summer means (gulp) having the children home for most of the summer.

That means those small windows of free time during the school year disappear. We will all have to learn the zen of slowing down for the summer. It might be a harder lesson for Mom than for the children. After all, they're the ones blowing the bubbles. I'm the one out there buying them.

In the end, I'm reasonably sure my children will have golden memories of their long, lazy summer. As for me, check back with me at the end of the summer. It's possible a lazy summer will be too much work. By September, I might be at my own summer camp. One with padded walls.

* This is a revised version of a column that appeared in the Times of Trenton in June of 2003